She Was Going to Win
by tough critic
Summary: James is silent. Lily resorts to desperate measures to reverse The Change. another chapter added
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The plot is mine. The characters are J.K. Rowling's.

Lily huffed. She was getting nowhere. If that tendril of hair escaped the elastic one more time, she was going to hex it off her own scalp. She was going to be late for rounds, but Lily wanted her whole face to show and all of her hair to be up. She just felt like something different today.

The amount of effort Lily was putting into her hair had nothing to do with anyone, though. Really. Nobody told her in passing that they liked the way her face looked. Nobody expressed the sentiment that she would be beautiful with even a simple ponytail. Nobody used to push stray locks behind her ear before she swatted his hands away. She spent too much time thinking about Nobody. Unfortunately for Lily, Nobody's name was James Potter.

No matter that he had said it all three months ago, before The Change (yes, it needed to be capitalized). Recently, Lily found herself recalling the most trivial facts and pieces of their conversations, nay, their arguments. And she was doing all she could to reverse The Change, but only because she wanted to prove him wrong. Prove that he couldn't really keep up this façade. It was a simple experiment. Nothing more than a matter of winning an argument.

………………..

_Damnit, Lily! I'm just tired. I'm so _tired_. If you can't tell the difference, then I'll . . . I don't know. . . I'll just stop. okay?_

_I don't believe you!_

_FINE! _

……………….

Only he hadn't stopped. At the last not in the way Lily expected him to. She expected him to stop being so . . . so . . . likeable (because as much as she hated to admit it, that's exactly how she felt) and go back to being the familiar arrogant prick. Instead, Potter stopped everything that made him James. Stopped ruffling his hair. Stopped playing with the snitch. Stopped being late to class. Stopped creeping into the Heads' dorms past curfew. _Stopped asking her out_.

After a little struggle involving a few too many bobby pins, Lily gave up with her hair and joined James in the hallway. Without so much as a word from either of them, they set off.

Lily kept sneaking glances throughout their patrolling to see if James was looking at her. To see if he noticed anything. She had been trying the last six times they were alone together to get some sort of reaction out of him. Something with some semblance of James. She slightly resented that she had resorted to using her physical appearance, but Lily was going to do all she could.

After a particularly embarrassing encounter with Sirius and a sixth year Ravenclaw behind a suit of armor, James finally addressed her.

"Evans? I mean, Lily?"

"What is it Potter?" Lily huffed, and then winced immediately after. What was wrong with her? He finally talks and she snaps at him?

James seemed oblivious to her inner battle. His face fell a little more, if that was even possible. "Nothing," he managed to sigh out, and brushed past her.

As he turned into the Charms corridor, Lily regained her composure and caught up to him. After a deep breath, "James? . . . um. did you want to say something?"

He stopped and looked at her intensely. Lily began to wonder if he heard her at all until he whispered, "yeah."

Another pause, " . . . yes. um, you . . . you look—I mean, your hair—I, uh. . ."

Lily held her breath. He was about to come through. He was almost there.

Suddenly, James seemed to remember himself and muttered a quick, "never mind," before turning away slightly.

Lily mentally shook herself out of her daze and whispered a barely audible, "tell me, James."

Slowly, so slowly, as if he was afraid of getting burned, his left hand rose and extended to Lily's head. She leaned in a little. Just a little, so he wouldn't notice. She felt his finger on the top of her head lightly touching her hair so that it ticked. A little more. And before Lily could process what was happening, James withdrew his hand and took a step back.

Her surprise at his lack of making a move must have shown, because James looked down and muttered something about a 'lump of hair' and an 'elastic' and 'sticking out.'

Severely disappointed at the lack of progress, Lily let out a choked sob. James' head shot up, alarmed. Lily leaned against the wall, and in an instant, she found herself leaning against a warm chest instead.

This only made Lily feel guilty. Trying to be brave, she sucked up her tears and withdrew from James, but he kept his hands on her shoulders giving her that same intense look. Heart beating a little faster than usual, Lily mentally prepared herself for another comment on her messy ponytail.

Right on cue, James leaned in a little closer. Lily stayed put this time, not wanting to embarrass herself again. When he was close enough that she could see his separate eyelashes, Lily had to close her eyes to stop herself from counting them.

Oh God, Lily realized, She had been lying to herself for almost three months. She _wanted _James. She wanted him to kiss her. She wanted him to hold her. She wanted him to _talk_ to her again. She held her breath, waiting for James to draw away as her heart gave a pang.

But instead of feeling his fingers in her hair, she felt the pads of his thumbs wiping away the remnants of her tears. Surprised, she opened her eyes to see James' closed. He looked so peaceful, as if he was savoring the moment.

And then, without opening his eyes to look at her, he kissed her cheek. Lily, who was turning her head slightly away, froze. Since Lily was halfway looking to the side, James caught her lips when he went for her other cheek.

It was like an awakening. James stilled, not pulling away in the slightest. Then he felt Lily's lips move against his almost undetectably. Suddenly, one hand was in her hair and the other was pulling her flush against him as he peppered her face and mouth and neck with frantic kisses, in a passion that told Lily that this really was James Potter.

As James was giving attention to the side of her neck, Lily held on tightly to his broad and muscular shoulders. She smiled a little. She found him. She found James. And without even realizing it, Lily won. James could never stop loving her.

constructive criticism is appreciated.


	2. again and again and again

_Disclaimer: see previous chapter. _

_I decided to do a James version. Let me know if you want a James version of the other ones._

………………………………..

James stared at himself in the mirror. That pesky tuft of hair was sticking up in the back again, and he hadn't even messed it up on purpose. He sighed and tried to make it lie flat, but doing it the old fashioned way was getting him nowhere. He honestly didn't know why he was bothering. It wasn't as if Lily would notice anyways. He grabbed his wand, performed a hair charm, and went downstairs to meet Lily for rounds.

When James reached the corridor outside the Heads' dorms, he was surprised to find that Lily wasn't waiting for him. He grinned as he thought about how fun it would be to tease her for being late, but quickly caught himself. That was dangerous territory.

He promised he'd stop. He didn't really have any legitimate reason to feel this way. _No_, he had no reason to feel the way he used to feel. Because he'd stopped.

James snorted out loud. He couldn't even make himself believe he stopped. Not even after the, ahem, conversation with Lily three months ago.

………………………………..

_God, James. It's always the same with you! _

_Like you've changed at all, Evans! I used to think it was me, but you've just always been this blind. _

_Don't turn this around on me, _Potter_! I'm not the one who—_

_Damnit Lily! I'm just tired! . . . _

………………………………..

He had lost his cool that night, and had regretted it ever since. Still, he wasn't lying when he told her he was tired. Trying to stop loving Lily was the hardest thing James had ever done, though. It was almost as painful as loving her. And lately, she had been acting a little weird.

Before James could further ponder the strange behavior of Lily, she emerged from the portrait hole, touched her hair with her hands, as if trying to fix something, and then turned to him.

They began the rounds. But James was feeling a little uncomfortable because Lily kept glancing at him, giving him the oddest little looks. Mortified, he briefly wondered if hair was sticking up again, until he noticed _Lily's_ hair.

Biting back a smile at the irony of it and at how cute it was, unruly knot and all, he looked ahead again. He reminded himself that he did _not_, in fact, find her attractive anymore. They walked in silence.

After some time, James felt a little guilty about inwardly laughing at her hair. He felt he should at least let her know about it if he was going to enjoy it. It took James ten minutes to work up the nerve to open his mouth. After all, he had barely said a word to her in the last three months, and as great as she looked when she was angry, he didn't want to set her off. She had been provoking him all week, and he wasn't going to fall victim to her games.

So when he finally thought of what to say, he was disappointed when his first word was drowned out by the clanging of a suit of armor. Immediately, Lily drew her wand and berated both Sirius and some Ravenclaw as James watched.

Merlin, that girl was going to kill him. All Sirius was doing was minding his own business with his own girl, and Lily's temper had flared gloriously. He couldn't imagine what was in store for him. Still, he was going to try. He missed talking to her.

"Evans? I mean, Lily?" he ventured.

"What is it, Potter?" Lily snapped, right on cue.

He looked down. It wasn't worth it. Nothing was worth another fight.

"Nothing." He sighed bitterly at the thought of what she had done to him and walked briskly past her. Three months ago, James would have openly mocked the disheveled state in which he had caught Lily. But backing down stopped feeling strange after the first few times.

Lily caught up to him around the corner. He took a glance at her and prepared to continue walking until he heard her speak.

"James? . . . um. Did you want to say something?"

He stopped in his tracks. Her voice was so close to a whisper, and her face had lost all trace of irritation. _Well this was new_. He stared at her . . . hard . . . trying to figure out what had just happened until he realized she was waiting for an answer.

"yeah," he replied almost as quietly as she had spoken. Only he couldn't remember what it was he wanted to say. His eyes roamed her face as he thought, distractedly, of what to tell her. The lump of hair caught his line of vision and James suddenly remembered.

" . . . yes. um, you . . . you look—I mean, your hair—I, uh. . ."

Oh Merlin, he couldn't do it. Lily was standing there, waiting as if he was going to say something grave, or of great importance. She was even holding her breath.

He shook his head and said "never mind," preparing, once again, to continue their way down the hallway.

"Tell me, James," he heard her whisper in a voice that was just so _new_ to him that he couldn't help himself. She looked so fresh with all of her hair out of her face. He just had to have an excuse to touch her.

Cautiously, for fear of Lily's wrath, he reached his hand to her head and touched the bit of hair that was sticking out. It _was_ ironic, really. He was just about to tell Lily this, until he registered how close they were and took a step back, taking his hand with him.

She looked a little confused at his move. He explained in a rushed voice about her lumpy hair so that she wouldn't get mad at him for touching her.

"Well, you see, you had a lump of hair on the back of head and the elastic looked a bit funny because it was sticking straight up out of it, so I just thought that I should, um, you know…"

Okay, so that's what he _meant _to say. It wasn't his fault that it came out as a low mumble.

Completely unprepared for her reaction, James watched bewildered as Lily let out a single sob. Without a second thought, he took her up in his arms. So what if she would likely yell at him for holding her. It would be worth it, he finally decided. Especially because she was sad. However, James couldn't help but wonder about her odd behavior all night and even all month.

So when he felt Lily try to pull away, he held her by the shoulders and took a good look at her face to determine the cause of her change in attitude. He saw her tears and leaned a little closer to wipe them away.

When she closed her eyes, he closed his own and he reveled in the moment. Even though Lily was wonderfully fiery when furious, she was just as beautiful when she was looking a bit forlorn.

Eyes stilled closed, he leaned in all the way to kiss her cheek.

It wasn't enough.

He leaned in to kiss her other cheek, mildly registering that his resolve to stop was already crumbling.

To James surprise, though, instead of her other cheek, he felt her lips. He stilled, but didn't dare to move for fear that this was the only time he'd get to feel this way. He was even more surprised to feel her lips move a little against his.

James' resolve broke completely as he grabbed a hold of Lily's waist and kissed her more thoroughly again, and again, and again on her neck. When Lily clung to his shoulders, returning his kisses, he dove a hand into her already messy hair and finally acknowledged the fact that it had never been in his power to stop loving Lily Evans.


End file.
